Fantasy Dreamer

Now that we've gotten all that other stuff out of the way, let's look at the now.

Emotionally, I'm still a wreck. I can't control myself at all. Sometimes I'm incredibly happy, but give it a few seconds or the wrong word said, and I could be spiralling down into depression and anger. I wish it wasn't this way. I wish I didn't have so many negative emotions inside of me, but they've rooted themselves in and now I can't seem to be rid of them.

So, I would like to say, that if I act really poorly, or am being bitter towards you, it probably isn't your fault. Most likely it will be just all these emotions swirling up inside of me and throwing out a bad one. I try not to show them, but it's about as effective as hiding under a canoe rack during a hurricane.

Also, physically I'm not all there either. I don't know what it is, maybe I've come down with something, but I am constantly tired and weak. I have headaches, and my stomach- though it doesn't actually hurt- feels kind of off. I know I have a cold, and my back pains are coming back. My heart gets motivated too easily, and I just want to lie down all the time. Much less go anywhere. It's been wearing me down, and I'm starting to feel like I'm withdrawing from life again. I do see Fuzake and Chris, and by the gods I will try and do this damn GED, Japanese class, and get a freakin' job, but I can't seem to be able to drag myself out to do much more. I avoid driving my sister places, I have cancelled meetings with my father- though he leaves the country entirely in just a short time- and I just don't find within me the urge to go and DO something. I have no motivation, even at home. I have been having trouble drawing, writing, I have been having trouble doing anything. It just isn't good.

On the other side though, I have some good news that should hopefully cheer up myself, and anyone getting dragged down by this depressing entry. Firstly, it is looking like a good day. I wake up, after having a dream in which I KNEW I was dreaming, to the sounds of The Gorrilaz and Coldplay. Seems the radio got a little urge to not play country, which was good. Today I have an interview for what may be the best job I could possibly get, and it's actually looking hopeful. Working in an Animal Hospital, even if it's far away from where I want to live, would be fantastic. It's something I'd actually want to do.

Also, mark November 5th on your calendars. For years I have been promising a Guy Fawkes event of some kind, and now it's finally going to happen. So, November 5th, at my house, there will be fireworks, and good food, and a bonfire- it will be a ton of fun. Party is expected to start around five or six in the afternoon and run as late as you all want to stay. It's going to be HUGE- Mum is inviting all her friends, and so is Hannah and probably Bill. But don't worry, if large groups bother you we will probably take shelter in the basement. Still, it's a party I'm sure you won't want to miss. =^.^=

Well, I can't really think of anything more, so I guess I'll end this here.

~Not So Normal

P.S. Might as well throw this out there. What are your guys' thoughts on the possibility of Chris and I living together?

Current Mood: excited
Current Music: The Radio

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